Friday, June 6, 2014


I am worthy of someone's time.

I feel like this is something I've forgotten lately. 
It's not okay to put a ton of effort in and not get any in return.
It's not okay to feel like you're not being heard.
It's not okay for someone who you fight for to not fight back.
It's not okay.

I deserve more than I think I do, and I think this is a common theme amongst people. 
You deserve more than you think you do. You deserve to be happy, and to smile, and laugh. You deserve someone who can give this to you without even trying. You deserve everything. 

So don't settle for less.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014


College is hard.

Beyond just the school aspect of it. I've been doing school for almost 16 years now. I've pretty much mastered the art of writing essays and participating in class. 
Honestly, the school part of college isn't the stressful part. I feel weird for feeling that way, but it's true
The hard part of college is the social aspect. Maybe I'm just backwards, but that's really how I feel. 
I've never been much into going out or being in large groups of people. That's a lot of what college is though.
I know that I can wait until the last minute to do an essay and still get an A on it, but I don't know that I can hang out in a group of people and have friends afterwards. 
I am now one week away from being done with my Freshman year and I just made friends. The first two quarters were spent worrying that people wouldn't like me, I say that I am always true to myself, but I realized that it wasn't true. When I first meet people I act like a different person. 
I see so many groups of people walking around campus and I yearn to befriend them. I want my own group of friends who can sit on the quad and show off our friendship to the world. 

However, while I may not be a social queen yet I know that I found the best group of friends for me. Sometimes it just takes time. That's one of the most important thing I learned this year, sometimes you have to be patient. 
I used to spend most nights of college alone, wishing that I could go outside and just walk up to someone and hang out. If I did that I wouldn't be true to myself. If I had been going out with the first people I saw I would have ended up in bars and clubs, the fact that I was able to wait allowed me to make the best friends I could have ever made.
I now have friends who have the same morals of me, and who know how to be a good friend to me. 
That's what's important. It's not about how many friends you have, or how many pictures you have of you all together. What's important is that you have good friends, a healthy relationship. I may have spent a lot of time alone at first, but now I know I will never be alone again. I found friends that are worth keeping, and will be there as long as I am there for them.

That's why college is hard. You don't know these things about yourself until you're in the middle of it. College is about learning about yourself, and trying to find out what makes you happy. The hard part is that you never know how long that could take. 

I now have people who will stay up with me until 1 in the morning to make sure I finish my homework. I can call them even if they are states away so that they can cheer me up if I'm having a bad day, and I know that when I am with them I will laugh and be the happiest I had been all day. 

I know that I may not know everything about myself just yet, but I know I am on the right path. I am happier because I have a support system who cares, and that alone makes college a hell of a lot easier.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

You're Stubborn? Me too!

Being stubborn gets you nowhere and everywhere. I am constantly having the internal struggle of standing up for everything I want, and giving in and agreeing to just be a follower. More often than not I end up being more stubborn than the average human being.

                I’m not sure if it’s the most useful aspect of my personality, more often than not it has gotten me into so trouble. Rarely do I listen to my boyfriend when he tells me what to do. This has led to more fights than necessary. Then after hours of standing my ground I realize I’m totally wrong, but I’m still wayyyy too stubborn to ever admit that there is even a slight chance I could be wrong. Being stubborn has gotten me into a few fights actually. Being too stubborn to leave my dorm has led to people literally dragging me out of my room to try to get me to eat. My stubbornness has led to verbal fights about the cleaning schedule of a bathroom, and other very mature situations. College has just shown me how stubborn I truly am.

                This is a side of myself that I have always been slightly aware of, but college has made me see it in a new light. One thing that I have realized is that in college, and probably the normal adult world, no one really gives a shit how stubborn you are. If you’re told to do something you better do it, or else you’re just an asshole. High levels of stubbornness stops being cute after the age of three. You have to be responsible for yourself, go to class and work, call your mom and dad, go to sleep at a normal time. Stop acting like any of this actions are going to kill you. Being an adult means letting go of some of that stubbornness, in my opinion.

                However, despite all this my stubbornness has worked to my advantage many times. If I was not stubborn I would not have my current job. I would not have my internship. I would probably not have my boyfriend. I think I got all of this because I am stubborn. I am driven. This is something college has truly taught me. Stand up for what you believe in, work hard towards your goals, don’t take no for an answer sometimes! However, don’t cry each time you have to do homework instead of going out. Don’t have a bitch fit each time someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do. You’ll survive. I’m sure my stubbornness will continue to change as I grow. Every year I am alive I learn more and more, and it is amazing. My first year of college taught me to not give up, and that is such an awesome thing to know.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Being An Introvert Is The Worst, And I Love It!

When my parents left me after moving me into college reality hit hard. Being an introvert there was a zero percent chance that I could leave my room and try to socialize. My roommate wasn't going to be moving in for another week, and I was totally alone. I was also totally scared. I spent most of that first day crying and looking out my window if I’m being honest.

                Now, it is important to know that I may be the worst at making friends. Ever. I am terrible at starting a conversation, or asking someone to hang out. I don’t know how I made the friends that I have now, but I’m fairly certain that it was a miracle. So, needless to say transitioning to college was terrifying. During orientation I made one friend, and she is still one of my best friends at this school. I am lucky I found someone who was so great so early. That’s where the friendship train stops. Since she was my only friend and I was hers we were pretty much always together. We worked together, ate together, got cookies together, but we didn't really make any other friends.

                Normally this is the part where someone would say that they went on to make a ton of friends and totally thrived during their freshman year in college, but that’s bullshit. I didn't thrive. I didn't make new friends. On the weekends I sat in my dorm and watched Law and Order until I fell asleep. Maybe it’s because I don’t like parties or drinking, or I don’t put myself out there enough, but regardless I didn't become some new person who forget she was an introvert. My boyfriend and I sat in a dorm and watch movies or Skyped constantly. I didn't meet any new best friends forever, or have the best year of my life. That doesn't mean I didn't love my freshman year though.

                My first year of college I learned more than I ever had before. Spending so much time alone allowed me to learn about myself. I worked harder my freshman year than any other year before. I got all A’s. I went from being an unpaid team member in an office to a paid intern. I helped start an organization to inform people and fight homelessness. I watched pretty much every Law and Order: SVU episode possible. Overall, I learned that I didn't need friends to make my college experience a great one. I feel that there is a standard that society sets. You need to be in a giant group of people playing Frisbee in the quad to feel accepted. That’s not true though, college isn't about who makes the most friends or who plays the most Frisbee! It’s about what you learn and becoming a better person who can survive in the real world.

                I probably could have tried a lot harder to make friends, but I've always been way too driven when it comes to doing actual school work. I thrive at work and in class because that’s what I love the most. Most importantly I learned that I didn't need to make a billion friends this year to feel good about myself, I just needed some really close ones. Everything is going to be okay. Being an introvert can suck, but that doesn't mean that it’s the end of the world! Once you find what you’re good at you will find people who you want to be around who like doing the same thing, and if you don’t then at least you’re doing something you love!