Friday, June 6, 2014

Time.

I am worthy of someone's time.

I feel like this is something I've forgotten lately. 
It's not okay to put a ton of effort in and not get any in return.
It's not okay to feel like you're not being heard.
It's not okay for someone who you fight for to not fight back.
It's not okay.

I deserve more than I think I do, and I think this is a common theme amongst people. 
You deserve more than you think you do. You deserve to be happy, and to smile, and laugh. You deserve someone who can give this to you without even trying. You deserve everything. 

So don't settle for less.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Friendship.

College is hard.

Beyond just the school aspect of it. I've been doing school for almost 16 years now. I've pretty much mastered the art of writing essays and participating in class. 
Honestly, the school part of college isn't the stressful part. I feel weird for feeling that way, but it's true
The hard part of college is the social aspect. Maybe I'm just backwards, but that's really how I feel. 
I've never been much into going out or being in large groups of people. That's a lot of what college is though.
I know that I can wait until the last minute to do an essay and still get an A on it, but I don't know that I can hang out in a group of people and have friends afterwards. 
I am now one week away from being done with my Freshman year and I just made friends. The first two quarters were spent worrying that people wouldn't like me, I say that I am always true to myself, but I realized that it wasn't true. When I first meet people I act like a different person. 
I see so many groups of people walking around campus and I yearn to befriend them. I want my own group of friends who can sit on the quad and show off our friendship to the world. 

However, while I may not be a social queen yet I know that I found the best group of friends for me. Sometimes it just takes time. That's one of the most important thing I learned this year, sometimes you have to be patient. 
I used to spend most nights of college alone, wishing that I could go outside and just walk up to someone and hang out. If I did that I wouldn't be true to myself. If I had been going out with the first people I saw I would have ended up in bars and clubs, the fact that I was able to wait allowed me to make the best friends I could have ever made.
I now have friends who have the same morals of me, and who know how to be a good friend to me. 
That's what's important. It's not about how many friends you have, or how many pictures you have of you all together. What's important is that you have good friends, a healthy relationship. I may have spent a lot of time alone at first, but now I know I will never be alone again. I found friends that are worth keeping, and will be there as long as I am there for them.

That's why college is hard. You don't know these things about yourself until you're in the middle of it. College is about learning about yourself, and trying to find out what makes you happy. The hard part is that you never know how long that could take. 

I now have people who will stay up with me until 1 in the morning to make sure I finish my homework. I can call them even if they are states away so that they can cheer me up if I'm having a bad day, and I know that when I am with them I will laugh and be the happiest I had been all day. 

I know that I may not know everything about myself just yet, but I know I am on the right path. I am happier because I have a support system who cares, and that alone makes college a hell of a lot easier.